I tried to draw again.

Surprisingly enough, I wasn’t forcing myself. It’s already 2 AM in the morning and I can’t sleep. I remembered our last session’s lesson for my FA 172.5 class (yes, I’m taking a Fine Arts class as my elective this year!) and how illustration is a very important skill a designer should have. 

So I took out my big sketchpad, which had been in hibernate mode for quite some time, and tried to doodle. At first I was afraid because I haven’t done this for a very long time so holding that pencil and being confronted by a big blank sheet of paper was daunting and intimidating, both at the same time.

But then I let go of that fear and started to draw. What I ended up drawing were simple and plain doodles. However, I wonder how they were able to make me feel good.

Staying up late because I’ve decided to be a bad girl for once and cut my Law class tomorrow morning.

Okay, I’m kidding. I’m cutting not because I’m being all emo and suicidal that I’ve stopped caring about school. Guys, don’t worry. I’ve decided not to attend my class tomorrow because:

• I haven’t read the articles that we were supposed to read so instead of messing up my recitation grade and failing the quiz, I won’t attend class because our prof doesn’t give a zero to absent people anyway. 
• I don’t feel good tonight. I don’t feel good at all.
• I have a runny nose (lame excuse but still)

Fair enough, right? 

I don’t understand, myself. In all honestly, I’ve been this “who-are-you-where-am-i-what-am-i-doing” type of girl since I entered college. I have been struggling through a never-ending denial with myself of not wanting to admit something I feel so ashamed about but since I’m already here, let me tell you this: I’ve lost my passion to draw, lost my interest in photography, lost my love for reading, lost so many things about myself, which I thought were the things that made me, ME. So now, here I am, left wondering and thinking, “Am I still, myself?”

Yes, I would draw. But not because I want to. Yes, I would take pictures. But just because I need to. Yes, I would read. But I wouldn’t be able to finish until the end. 

And you know what makes things even more frustrating? It’s the fact that I can’t accept it. I can’t accept the fact that these things are happening to me.

I would make excuses, EVERY SINGLE TIME. I’d say I’m busy, I’d say I’m tired, I’d say that I’m not in the mood. But then I realised, I was just afraid to say that I don’t want to do it anymore. I was hesitant and scared to admit that I was changing. 

To tell you honestly, I miss myself. I miss being ME. Please come back. Life is so grey without you. 

Funny title above, haha! Anyway,

I’VE BEEN BUSY, BUSY, BUSY! Three weeks to go before sembreak and I hope I’m still alive when that time comes! 

I’ve been working on my magazine (which is a project for PSYCH101 class) since this morning and I’m tired as hell! I’m running out of ideas but I am happy that there’s only 6 more pages left! Wohoo! Oh, and because of this, I’ve learned to use inDESIGN! Another level up to my technical design skills! Anyway here are some of my magazine’s sections:

FEATURES PAGE

A page where I talk about “Girls and Courting”. Why can’t girls court? That question has honestly been bugging me for days so I decided to write an article about it for my Features section! Once I’m done with my magazine, I’ll try posting the whole file here for your guys to read! Hehe! (Btw, photos in these section are not mine. Credits to:http://atchat.free.fr/graphics/flower_scraps/girl_giving_flowers/?id=126 & http://www.flickr.com/photos/47444383@N06/6038237664/)

HOW TO SECTION:

And because I still have so many things to do, I decided to recycle an old post of mine, which was about how I did my school planner (I’m pretty sure some of my old followers will remember this post!) Thank God I blog! Haha! It definitely saved me a lot of time! Enjoyed doing the layout for this page too! Hehe!

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ON OTHER THINGS:

Next week, and the week after, and the week after that will be the death of me! So many things to do, so little time! I’m so tired right now and my eyes hurt so much but I still have to study for my Stat Long Test tomorrow. Oh life.

HAHA. Sorry guys for the random post. Just extremely happy and excited today! HIHIHI

Guys, I’m still open for commissions! Email me at butterpanda@hotmail.com!

Do you miss my drawings? Can’t find a gift for your friend, classmate, girlfriend, sister, boyfriend these “ber” months?